That’s how I feel, but not about getting home to my son of course, but about having a child.
My
mother in law offered last night to pay for another round of IVF for us. I had
to tell her no. 1st, we have the money and I hate taking money from
other people, 2nd Ben is finished.
How do
get past wanting something so badly and being willing to do anything to get it,
and at the same time deal with the fact that my husband is giving up? Will he
feel the same way in a couple of months? Will I resent him eventually for not wanting
to do more treatments?
Tuesday
I have an appointment with the RE to discuss what happened and what he thinks
we should do going forward. Ben refuses
to go but I need answers. My mother in law offered to go, but I think I’ll just
go alone. I’m mad at Ben, I’m hurt by
him, by what we’re going through, and by the fact that I feel like he’s making
me deal with this alone.
First of all I have no clue what to say to you which is why I haven't commented but I am heartbroken for you and Ben and your loss (not sure if thats the right word).
ReplyDeleteSecond I know with Sebastien it takes him longer then me to deal with things and he keeps thing to himself so maybe thats just what Ben is doing. He's mourning too and maybe this is harder on him then he lets on, hence him not wanting to try anymore. Maybe with time he'll change his mind. Who knows.
The best thing you can both do right now is do what you can do to support each other and allow each other to deal with it in your own way. If he needs space give him space. I'm sorry you feel you have to deal with this on your own at the moment.
I know you're right in your assesment of the way Ben handles anger and hurt. he holds it all in and then when he eventually breaks, he really breaks. I know he needs more time than I do, I know he'll get there, its just so hard to watch him struggling while struggling myself.
ReplyDeletethank you for your kind words:)
I hope that Ben goes with you to the appointment on Tuesday. Maybe he just needs the time to process everything. Guys seem to think that they have this macho image that they need to live up to...be strong, the provider, etc. Mark had a hard time accepting the fact that we had to go to a RE. It has to be hard watching your partner be so sad knowing there isn't much you can do to help. If he sticks with his decision, maybe the doctor can recommend a counselor to talk to that specializes in IF. Your comment about being resentful in the future is something I thought about when you first mentioned this being it for him. I am sure I would feel that way.
ReplyDeleteI want to say that I have read this a couple times since yesterday and I still didn't know what I wanted to say. I guess when dealing with infertility and TTC, I only know the things NOT to say.