Why would a pregnant lady be angry

One of my friends started a blog when she was pregnant with her son. It was her first trimester and she was awake in the middle of the night just angry. I never understood this because you should be happy you’re pregnant!!

I get the anger now.

My heart feels like it’s going to explode some days with anger towards the stupidest stuff. and I wouldn’t call myself an angry person.  Let me give you a few examples.

I woke up at 4:30 the other morning. I was exhausted but couldn’t fall back asleep.  So I decided to eat.  I went into the kitchen to find that my sister had left one of my nice Hinkel knives dirty, in water in the sink.  I was livid. I was tempted to go wake her up right then and there to clean that fucking knife. I left her a nasty note letting her know that her disrespect for my belongings enraged me. and I told her that if she couldn’t respect my things or clean up after herself she couldn’t use my things. She is lucky I didn’t wake her up to clean that damn knife.

1)      Respect my shit. That’s an expensive knife. Bitch can’t even afford to live in her own place, she certainly can’t afford to replace that very expensive knife set that I received as a wedding gift.

2)      I hate dirty dishes in the sink.  I hate anything in the sink, including the sponge. It sits in a nice little holder on the side of the sink

3)      Why couldn’t you use a butter knife instead of a super sharp nice knife to cut your piece of cheese….yes I know it was cheese there was a bunch left on the knife.

 

MIL put our dogs in the bottom of the barn and now they have fleas.  She knows that there are fleas in there, and now my dogs are covered and so is my house. Thank you, thank you very much. I thoroughly enjoyed spending my night vacuuming the house, doing laundry, changing bed linens, and giving my dogs baths. I needed to be sleeping. Can we just keep them out of the bottom of the barn please.  I have carpet in my house and fleas suck. Kthanks.

 

The fragrance counter at the mall----  I recently needed to return a bra to the mall. I purchased 2 new expensive bras 2 days before I found out I was pregnant. Thank goodness that I had only worn 1 of the bras. Since finding out I was pregnant my boobs have doubled in size. Seriously. Anyways, my point. I returned the bra and was walking through Macy’s on my way back out the door and the lady in the men’s fragrance department asked me if I wanted a squirt of some cologne.  Bitch, what makes you think I want to smell like a men’s fragrance?  For real. that’s a great way to ensure I never buy anything from your department.

 That’s it for now.

Just rambling on

I never wanted my blog to exclusively follow my infertility.  When I started writing it was admittedly about wanting to have a baby and document pregnancy, but as I didn’t get pregnant it became more.  It became a place to talk about my life, home, cooking, dogs...and somehow this past summer when IVF failed I feel like it turned really gray, which truly represented my mood.

I recognize that the past couple weeks have been a lot about my getting pregnant, but I don’t want anyone to think for a second that I’ve forgotten about the journey I’ve been on for the past 22 months. It was hard. It broke my heart, it killed a piece of me.

But I’m alive and happy, and I know I would be even if I wasn’t pregnant. I was dealing with the failed IVF cycle, and what that meant for my family.

So all my friends still struggling with IF, I think about you daily. I think about the struggle daily.  I thank whatever is out there that I experienced what I went through because it made me am who I am today.  I hated every second of it, but it is one of life’s hard curveballs that I had to deal with I guess. I’M STILL ANGRY. I still find myself getting upset when I hear other people are pregnant or got pregnant quickly. Why did I have this struggle?  And so don’t think I’m not thinking about you.

I clearly still have things I need to discuss with my counselor.

Now that I’m pregnant this blog isn’t only going to be about my pregnancy.  Just like infertility did, it will obviously include that aspect of my life, but I do plan on picking back up on writing about cooking, decorating, dogs…

Through my lens

I know, I know its Friday. I’m a day late posting some pictures, but the fact that I’m getting it done at all this week seems like a miracle to me!

 

My nephew, Emmett

 

 

New short haircut and highlights!

 

Chicken/Onion/Cheese Frittata for dinner

 

My niece Lilly….she was either making a mess or it was hot out. No idea why she isn’t wearing a shirt!

 

Casual Friday!

I hope everyone in the States has an enjoyable long Labor Day Weekend!!

Through my Lens

I haven’t done this in a while. Sorry my life kind of took overJ

Ratchet avoiding the sun one day while I was laying out

 

My lunch: leftover quinoa, diced tomatoes, and pork tenderloin

 

The new table in our room at the end of the bed.  This weekend we’re placing out new tv on the wall right where the mirrors are

 

 



a bad repair job on a floor…we’re definitely fixing that!

 



I’m drinking again

And honestly I don’t like it, I love it! I needed a couple glasses of wine on Saturday night at dinner and I was able to blissfully spend time with friends and family without worrying about life.

Ben is doing better. He is talking about everything and said he is willing to continue to try and get pregnant naturally. He is still very opposed to going back to the doctor. I know I was quite worried I would end up resenting him in the future and thank you everyone for your thoughts on this.  I really really hope that now that he’s past last week’s initial shock of everything that things will turn around for us. we’ll see.

I started my period on Sunday and it’s been hell.  I have always had terrible periods but this one is unbelievably heavy and the cramps were almost unbearable yesterday. I laid around with a heating pad on my belly just tried to focus my mind on the book I was reading instead of my pain.

I am going to go back to working out tonight. It’s been 2 weeks since I did anything and my ass is begging me to move. Generally working out makes me feel better, but it’s just the furthest thing from my mind. Wish me luck tonight because I’m sure I’ll get my butt kicked.

p.s. I’m reading the Harry Potter books right now and I’m loving them. How did I never read these?

Through my lens

So here it is again! Take a look at what I’ve been snapping photos of

Beautiful day at my in-laws farm!

 

My husband after spending the morning in a tractor

 



The dogs at the pool with me

 



And my new nail color, sent to me by a dear friend

 

Have you been wondering

Where I’ve run off to?

I’m alive. This past weekend was a blast and I was able to spend lots of time with family and friends! My pool party wasn’t all that crazy, but I was perfectly happy with that.  Of course this coming weekend the weather will be amazing and I’m sure I’ll be soaking up some sun!

What else….I started my nutritional challenge for IVF. I’ll tell you how it goes, I’m fairly healthy in general but I eat a ton of fruit which is high in sugars and carbs and they want you to steer clear of too many carbs. 

Tonight is family dinner, and really I’m just trying to get through this week. Lots of work, working out, gardening, and food prep at the house.

 Life is taking over people!

How was my weekend? Well, let me tell you

Even though you may not actually want to know.  I again this weekend basically did nothing.  Honestly, its working out well for me. and to top it off Ben joined me this weekend, it was like my most ideal kind of weekend.  

 Let’s start with Friday: work, blah, work, blah, go home eat chips on the sofa and then convince husband he must have a sushi dinner since it’s his birthday on Sunday! Amazing beyond amazing. It wasn’t until all of our beautiful sushi was in our bellies that I though hmm I should have taken a photo of that heaven on a plate.  Go home, read, go to sleep. 

 And onto Saturday: workout, library, clean the house, do the laundry while listening to an audio book, fold laundry, lay down on sofa to read a book, take a nap, fold some more laundry, read more of my book.  At this point Ben gets home and asks if I’ve been in my pj’s all day and I could honestly say the answer was no!  I wore my workout clothes for the 1^st half of the day while I got my sweat on and cleaned the house, and then after I did all the mentioned above I took a shower and put my pj’s on. So see I spent more than half the day in my workout clothes, which might explain the small blemishes that seem to have appeared at my bra line. But who cares really?  So back in my pj’s on the sofa, I grab a beer and suggest a game of yatzee(I’m spelling this wrong but you know what it is I’m not going to go google, mmmkay?)  to Ben and he says how about we order in?  who am I to disagree with an awesome plan like that.  So we get a game under our belts and dinner arrives!  It was less than stellar honestly, but I had cheese fries to divert my attention so I didn’t care as much as Ben.  At some point I started reading again and Ben fell asleep.  I think I was asleep by 9:30.  I know this is what my life has come to and I love it.

 Sunday morning:  I woke up at 6:00, maybe because I went to sleep at 9:30 Saturday after a day of doing basically nothing. But it was Ben’s 31^st birthday so I made him decaf coffee with bailey’s (remember we’re not drinking caffeine) and an egg sandwich.  Then we lounged for a bit and Ben agreed to go to the grocery store with me if I would go with him to get a 6 pack of yummy beers for his birthday. Why not?  Well the reason I shouldn’t have agreed is because I had to be the mean person when he wanted everything in the store!  He is NOT one to take grocery shopping!  Once back home I made us BLT’s for lunch and Ben took a nap while I read.  His parents were supposed to come over to wish him a happy birthday and didn’t show up for 2.5 hours so Ben watched the movie Lincoln.  I of course read my book.  His parents came, we went on a nice dog walk, then came home and I made dinner.  So basically we ate a lot yesterday. and It was good. I’m not even THAT bloated today! Go figure

Now here we are Monday morning and I’m feeling refreshed and happy.  Ben thanked me for an amazing birthday yesterday to which I replied, anytime, because dude we really can do nothing any weekend you want!

 OK. I have to work now.  I just put way too much time and effort into that.  I’ll leave you with a picture of the scallops I made last night to go along with our dinner. They were awesome.

 

I'm human

My days are long. And my hair looks like this by the end of the day. Weighed down and frizzy.

Some days I complain and some days I’m as happy as it gets. But I’m human and I’m going say stupid things and act like a bitch. ask stupid questions and forget what I'm supposed to be doing or whats supposed to be done, and/or remember everything like a rockstar.

If you don’t like it get out.

I’m exhausted today. I had to be out of the house first thing yesterday morning and then I made a lasagna for a friend that just had a baby, and then I had my RIPPED workout class. When I got home and out of the shower it was 9:26. And I still needed food. seriously I needed food! 

This morning I had an 8am appointment and needed to be out the door by 7:10. I’m tired.  We have dinner at my IL’s tonight so it again will be a late night.

Really all I want is to be snuggled in bed with my husband, with yoga pants and a big sweatshirt (sexy right).

Otherwise I feel good. tomorrow morning, bright and early, I have a follow up ultrasound at the RE’s office to see how things are going. Fingers crossed all is good!